“I’m at the Market” he says
eyes, darting back
over left shoulder
to see if I’ll pick up the thread…

“There–”
he gestures, pointing
with shears half-open
waving tight circles, conjuring my attention
toward the small laptop
resting
within reach of my arrangement
the cursor, a busy bee
darting over row and column
following, obedient
setting down, only briefly, to increment
symbols unknown to me
little boxes blink, and turn shades of green
as scissor tip snips and sings

“We used to wake up, at 5am”
a pink ribbon flys, rolls off its ring
still spinning
“The old guys are still there, but–”
stems brace, at center
feet tangle, crossways, as lasso tightens
in a single, practiced motion
he spins open
revealing what’s he’s made for me

“Now they just sit and–”
with hands free, he finger-taps the phantom key
connecting him
to a world of flowers
reduced
and optimized, digitally

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Back of the Page

Why do we try to optimize things away?

We make connections, talk shop, and trade - and then somewhere along the way, someone has a great idea to make it more efficient. Reduce the steps in between. Package everything up and represent it as a number to click on a screen. It shows up magically at your door, on Ring (ok I’m done rhyming now, I mean it).

Today, I went looking for flowers for our 14th wedding anniversary. It’s a special day to celebrate, and I am very grateful for my partner Zanni. 🌷 We’re looking forward to a nice dinner out in The Hague tonight, with the kids back in school and the seasons thinking about changing, it’s a beautiful time to enjoy the outdoors before things get dark and rainy again.

Yes, some people think chrysanthemums represent death, and what a strange flower to get for an anniversary, but to me they mean rebirth. And symbolize how much we have learned and grown through our travels together. Which, let’s be honest, if you’re going to be married for 14+ years, and sell everything to live in a new country, there are going to be some ups and downs to support each other through. I’m grateful that we’re doing this together!

Well, back to this morning: as the man at the flower shop turned to me, I could tell he really wanted me to notice the laptop he had propped open right next to his workstation. As he was cutting and arranging my flowers, I saw the cursor moving automatically around the screen clicking on things. “I’m at the market!” he said, his hands busy with arranging the flowers, he still found a way to gesture to the screen, with shears open. Like he was casting a little spell on my attention - Look, damnit!

What I saw was absolutely foreign: a custom-developed Windows application, with the grey buttons and VisualBasic row and column tables. Every now and then the numbers would change and things would go green.

He described how he used to wake up at 5am to go to the flower market, and see what they had. But now, he has access to 3 markets all around the country. I ask him if he misses it (going to the market in person), and if it was exciting. “The first 4 times are exciting, then it loses its excitement” he said. But there were benefits: at the market, he could see the deals - who was desperate to get rid of their flowers now. What new growers were offering to break into the market. Things that a computer can’t model.

He still relies on the relationships he’s made - calling in favors when he sees familiar names pop up in the system. “I’ll hop on the phone now and say save 5 for me, friend!”

It’s an interesting time to be alive - we’re trying to optimize everything, and model it digitally. We expect the supply chain to magically deliver everything to our door. Our job applications get lost and looked over in automated tracking systems. Our bank loans are approved or denied by algorithms. What we see online is dynamic based on what enrages or excites us. And even friendships can get reduced to passively sharing pictures, or viewing stories silently.

It doesn’t have to be this way, as we know. We can choose differently. Like the gentleman at the flower shop this morning - he uses the app so he doesn’t have to wake up at 5am, but he still goes at Christmas, and Valentine’s day - or to see the old friends he’s made. I hope we can hang on to enough of this in-person community, and challenge ways we’ve optimized ourselves out of connection. Do we remember who we’re doing all this for, and why?

Come to think of it, I never asked his name. Maybe I will, tomorrow…

💐

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