Reasoning with Retribution

I was wrong about the Iraq War

hold on, I should specify
I was wrong about the 2003 US-led Invasion of Iraq
It was College, freshman year
and I was asked
told, really
to write a paper
choosing a Side

According to the teacher
There were only two Sides to choose from:
For or Against the War
and we needed to provide Reasons
establishing our Position
Well-Researched
and Reinforced
with Facts and References

Detailed paper trails
with turn-by-turn directions
Print-out routes
for others to follow along
and understand how we got there
MapQuest Opinions
cobbled together
from the World Wide Web of infallible information
then, reduced to 5 pages
double-sided, double-spaced

Oddly enough, we all knew
our Opinions, already
Then looked carefully
for Confirmation, online
I found
A deep-seated sense of Retribution
for 9/11
nestled neatly
in Colin Powell’s
“Weapons of Mass Destruction”
and got straight to work
drawing up Battle Lines

I remember, even then
it felt flimsy
Going against
a deeper feeling inside
Fear: weaponized
pointed out, at the ready
Justified
with words
from other Minds

I wonder what cycle
we’re in now?
how many layers deep
Rationale on rationale
This for that, stacked
in Retribution's ledger
Hate, passed down
on Butterfly wing

What would it take
to break
the chemical Reaction?
To interrupt
the reflexive dance, on beat
We all seem
to be threatened by
the mirror making faces
snarling back
Tit-for-tat, with reasons
the last person couldn’t get past
cracked glass
pieced together in shattered fragments
where one fist met
and still we ask
how to mend this

In College, I had a friend who broke their arm by punching a wall in Anger. I forget what it was about for them, at the time, although I do remember signing the cast they wore for weeks after.

In the fluorescent light of a Freshman Year class, a teacher had us argue our own personal opinions For or Against the “Case for the Iraq War.” I didn’t know how wrong I would be at the time, citing official government rationale. I also had not felt or understood any of my emotions (Fear of the Unknown) stemming from 9/11 and exclusively watching US TV Media. It wasn’t the first or last time I’d express an opinion that was on the Wrong Side of History, and I’m sure you have your own experience realizing your Opinion may not have been the most enlightened (or was based on false information).

But we went through the motions debating our Opinions, anyway. I remember feeling how wrong the other Side was, to allow such danger (WMDs) to go un-checked. I was afraid, and it seems like when we get afraid, we reach for Reasons to justify Hate, Violence, and Retribution. We’re taught to look for facts and construct air-tight cases to justify our stances with militarized language, like we’re moving game pieces on a territory map, jostling for control. It’s how we arrive at flawed conclusions like “Self-Defense” means destroying anything that has (or is associated with someone that has) the capability to harm us.

We could spend all day talking about this, but I think it’s safe to say our reasons are often convenient, selected out-of-order, and have the tendency to be fallible. We do not operate in perfectly-modeled closed systems, and we each have free will. Although for some reason, we try to impose control and punish each other to conform to our ideas of Right and Wrong (which have evolved dramatically and are not universally shared).

So many of our injuries seem to be self-inflicted in acts of Rage or Retribution. If we are one consciousness experiencing itself in fragments, and can feel things like love and pain, why are we all hitting ourselves and justifying it by pointing to the last person who did it to us? It feels circular, to say the least. Even if you don’t buy the “we are One Consciousness” world view, you may notice the pattern of Retribution manifesting as a runaway chain reaction unless it’s interrupted.

So how do we interrupt this? I don’t know. That’s like asking someone the meaning of life or wishing for World Peace. But if we can start to become aware that there is something to be interrupted, maybe it’s a start. Like my therapist told me: there is a space between something happening and our interpretation. We can react or we can respond. I hope that we can all begin to make more space for interpretation and response, rather than continue a chain reaction of violence.

At the very least, let’s have the humility to admit that we’ve been wrong, our reasons are quite often nonsense, and we need to start going a layer deeper. Are there Sides and Battle Lines already drawn on the table? Can we really extinguish one another or will they still be there, facing us, when we look in the mirror? How do we create more space to see each other rather than starting a new pain cycle in fear? Are we done punching the mirror?

🕊️