give it nothin’, by Van Miranda

track by Van Miranda

Van MirandaBandcamp New & Notable Jul 27, 2024

Give it enough, then
Give it enough, then
Let’s go
Give it enough, then
Give it nothin’
Givin’ nothin’

Break away
When ya feel like escape
I been wrong
Lookin’ only for the daylight (nothin’)
Huh
It’s like Nothin’
OK

Think it’s False
All what you say
Made calls ‘n you all outta plays
Me? Nothin’

Seen enough walls outta place
You could fake another dance
We could make another maze, like
Oh, thanks
Don’t even need it
Why the long face
Don’t even see right or wrong
Makes numbin’ the feelin’
Sorta taste like change
Better mean what ya say, yeah

You in a phase ‘n all
You wanna play ‘n yeah “it don’t mean nothin’”
You wanna stay in love
Givin’ nothin’
Give it nothin’

Gave away
But ya made it look easy
Same song
Got me dancin’ to the beat like nothin’
Huh
It’s like nothin’

OK
Little white lies
Didn’t mean what ya say
You could see it in my eyes
Read it in your face
Leadin’ all the blind
We keep leanin’ interface
Make another try
I could see what it taste like
Oh, thanks
Didn’t even need it
Why the long face
Didn’t even see
Knife in the wrong place
Didn’t even bleed
Now I see lips movin’
Better mean what ya say, yeah

You in a phase ‘n all
You wanna play, ‘n ya “It don’t mean nothin’”
You wanna stay in love
Givin’ nothin’
Give it nothin’

Fade away and I made it look easy (yah)
Up at dawn
When I see you in the daylight (nothin’)
Huh
It’s like nothin’
OK…

Takin’ the wave
‘n then I’m givin’ it all
‘n then I’m driftin’ away
I'm done takin' the fall
I did enough, then
Huh
I did enough, then
OK...

Takin’ the wave
‘n then I’m givin’ it all
‘n then I’m driftin’ away
I'm done takin’ the fall
I did enough, then
Huh
I did enough, then
Yeah

Stuck in what I’m feelin’
I’m amazed (stop)
I been outta season like I’m lost ‘n away, like
Stuck in what I’m feelin’
I’m a maze

I been up to
I been up too

Wanna see
What I get when I’m alone
Wanna feel
Wanna get him in the zone like nothin’
Huh
It’s like nothin’
Yeah

You in a phase ‘n all
You wanna play ‘n yeah “it don't mean nothin’”
You wanna stay in love
Givin’ nothin’
Give it nothin’

Back of the Page

This song is a moment on the way to forgiveness.

When you realize you’ve been hurt, and you feel nothing because you’re no longer willing to risk being vulnerable. That the pieces you offered to make the connection have recoiled, instinctively. Like touching fire and pulling away. An airlock shutters closed, and new walls come down to form a maze.

Old, familiar pathways become something sharp, and edgy. The same words exchanged between the same people mean different things.

You find yourself drawing little maps to try and find your way. Jotting down notes and sketching your surroundings to compare, and notice when things look out of place: did they really mean it, this time? did someone move this, or was it always that way?

Coping mechanisms looking for reasons to stay the same.

You try to numb the feeling, because numbing out is doing something. It’s a neat trick that control plays on us - one that sorta tastes like change. But while you numb out, everything around you stays the same.

You can start to feel it and stop short, by pointing a finger. Choosing to be the fool, or a victim. It’s much easier to become cynical by telling stories like “think it’s False, all what you say” or a recent lyric that resonated with me from Kendrick Lamar: “if they say it’s love, you’ve been lied to.”

These make for smooth escapes. Like a sip of whisky, swirled around, in tingling confidence. It feels right, drowning out our distress signals. Sure, something seems off, but you’ll only need to sense it, briefly. Righteousness, that beacon of light, soars in, shining in the space between. Illuminating what everyone else has done Wrong, in perfect hindsight 20/20, giving you anything you can conceive, with no hangover. O, may our Angels sing…

But it’s all still Giving - to the situation, the person, the past. How exhausting and isolating it is, to dwell on harms inflicted on us by Others. It’s easier to throw stones than see aspects of ourselves, clearly - failing and learning, the way all of us do.

So what’s left? What am I up to, if I look around where I am and let everyone else off the hook? Everything else fades, and I’m still here. I think they call that a reckoning.

What happens when we pull back all our expectations and Stop replaying stories? What’s under all the judgement, entitlement, and desire? (“Wanna see what I get when I’m alone / Wanna feel, wanna get him in the zone”)

To me, it feels like nothin’ - in a good way…when I pull back and de-center myself from all the stories, there’s room for something else. An immense space of possibility, branching out. Forget about me for a second.

If I tell people how something made me feel, we can each gain something from it.
If I’m honest about my own failings, we can both learn from it.
If I pull back access, and move on, I make space for something new to come in.

Maybe there’s a future for all of us, eventually, and it’s not my responsibility to make sense of it or drag it all with me.

This song is the beginning of the question what’s on the other side of forgiveness? For myself and others. If you listen to it again, and change perspective, it’s possible that the You I’m speaking to isn’t someone else, after all.

For now, to get where I am…I did enough, though.

Credits

Lyrics written and performed by Van Miranda

Music produced by Icee Red

Mix and master by Deya Records & Angel Vergara

I’d also like to give a shout-out acknowledgement to Silvio Castelletti, whose story “Unsent Letters #27” helped me finish writing this Song, which was in process for over a year. I was writing to the theme of being stuck in a maze, but reading this paragraph made something click for me: I was the maze.

“I’m staying, you said; if I exit this place, soon I’d have to find another maze to get in, and so on and so forth. You repeated and so on and so forth. I’ll get out eventually, you continued, but I’m not ready for it. Not yet. It all seemed so logical that I didn’t bother asking you to elaborate. And then I thought, how come I myself am not in a maze? In a maze of my own, I mean; not this one.”
- Silvio Castelletti

Substack is a magical place in that people can share ideas that inspire each other, and this story inspired me to revisit this song and finish it, knowing that I was the one choosing to twist and turn inside a maze of my own making, not one that I simply woke up and found myself in. So I’d like to thank Silvio for sharing his writing in a way that turned the key over for me.

Did this bring up anything for you? Have you ever felt like you’ve given enough in a situation, and it’s time to pull back? What’s on the other side for you?

Let me know,
Van