Del Dios

When I was little
(like 7 or 8)
My Dad
would back us in
to tight spaces

We’d drive
down long gravel lanes
looking the same way
as Church bells rang
alternating “you're welcome / you’re late”

“there! we’ll be the first ones outta here”

We pass, in practiced angles
finding parallels
in a fleet of neighbors
rows of hooded figures, adorned
in sacred symbology
emblems of subtle competition, at rest
game, set
on white-and-blue checkerboard
the next car
raises its three-point star
shining out
in the name of the Father, Son
and Holy Smokes, It’d do 0-to-60 in…
“Van, we’re gonna be late!”

My inner monologue, moving along
I’d hum all the songs
and even sing, in that sly way
when you don’t know the words, but silence
would make them nervous
so I’d conform, with a one-syllable delay

Later, where the donut cart roamed
and orange juice flowed
we’d sneak treats for good behavior
and then we’d race
to our backward place
‘n jet outta there
with grace, and thank you kindly’s

Napkins in lap
my brother and I in the back
winding ‘round Del Dios Highway
with that dammed river, on my right
sunlight, spilling over the side
they say Hodgee still sleeps there, allegedly

“So, Heaven…”
“is forever, and ever…”
“…and ever”

I paused, and let it dawn
this feeling of Always, striking

Maybe, it was the sugar
spiking
all-at-once, in epiphany

All I could do, is repeat
“forever! (and ever)”
“FOR-EEVER, aaaaand Ever”
in various tones of Chris Farley
“It never ends? really!”

I laid back, sideways
“Forever...”
mind, tracing sky
eyes, wide
through open glass, gasping
and just like that, the feeling had passed

In thirty years, I’d look back
on that one morning, in "Forever"
and wonder
if I would ever find it, again
singing, inside me

Have you ever had a feeling like this? Maybe when you were a kid, in the back-seat, dreaming? I’d love to know. 😌

I came close, today. By feeling that I have everything I need already, and don’t need to fix anything, or be anywhere else. But it was nothing like the dam overflowing that one morning, after church, in the back seat on Del Dios Highway.

Maybe we’re in the process of remembering there’s nowhere else to be, and that feeling means we’re getting close. What do you think?