Daddy Horsey

“Let’s go outside!”
“To the Zoo”
“See the Otters loop-de-loop”

Sorry, dear
not now
I’ve got some work to do

“Aw, c’mon! Just one”
“A quick game of Daddy-Horsey”

little hands, glide light
fingers clasping neckline
forearm pressing, in opposition

tension flees
as thigh-knees squeeze
up, into under-arm stirrup

I hunch now, instinctively
shoulders rounding down, into saddle
reigns, gently guide me to see
the imaginary carrot
dangled, gleaming
before my eyes - our shared sign
to giddy up, and leave

“Yah!”
I spring!
trotting out, at a slight lean
loud whinnies, surprising me
as riding team
hoof-slides through bright
hallway meadow
remembering what it means
to share time, in play
so brief

we collapse, on bed-spring
subtle bouncing, seems
to rock us to sleep, at peace
in stable scenes
“here, have some hay, little guy”
I snuffle-snort, with delight
then roll off the side
“OK, it’s back to work, pardner”

“But why, Daddy?”
“Why can't you stay and play?”

I think of reasons why:
bills to pay?
money to make?
things to fix and people to save?
what is it, again, that I’m doing?

my breath, a stutter-catch
weak “ah -” escapes, constrained

the faint fear
of coarse leather
at my throat, for years

I shake
my neigh, blowing out the space
I rear
back, on hind legs
feet paddle-swimming in air
I squeal, a feint
feel, of falling
trying not to count the years
down, on all-fours
waiting, once more
Daddy Horsey is here

Back of the Page

Sitting at my laptop this morning, I asked a question: why do we do this? Whatever that is, for you.

We seem to find ways to grasp for more, tell ourselves there isn’t enough, or think that we didn’t do enough to Fix whatever the hell is going on in the world, today. You know, so future generations can have it better.

Sometimes, Work, no matter how noble, important, or engrossing it may seem, feels like a delusion. An unconscious sacrifice of the simple joys that surround us, and are pulling on our sleeve, to just come and play. These are the people we’re doing the Work for, right? The ones right in front of us…

At 9, my oldest daughter is too big for Daddy Horsey, now. There was a last ride, but there was no announcement of it being over. We tried to play recently, but it’s just not the same when they’re nearly the same size. Daddy Horsey is an elite athlete, to be sure, but he can only deadlift so much at a canter.

So, when my youngest wraps their arms around me, asking for me to be Daddy Horsey, with imaginary carrot gleaming, I say “sure, just one more time…”

🐴

Do you have a game like this that you happily allow to pull you away from anything, at any time?

What do you think about the loop of working for the future, when there are people we love right here?