A Writer

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Whenever I was asked this question, I would respond “A Writer” without hesitation. As a kid, I was obsessed with Roald Dahl and Shel Silverstein. I loved the way they saw the world in absurd, magical ways and could reveal deep, dark truths without taking themselves too seriously.

I fell into two of my favorite niche writing jobs early, without realizing it. The first was convincing PC hardware companies to send the latest tech to my doorstep so I could review it online. They had no idea I was 14, and thankfully a website and a cold email was all you needed to start a business with a friend in 1998. Eventually, I found reviewing products to be far too critical and grew weary of the hype cycle bias toward consuming the new. The free stuff was a 10/10 perk, though.

Later, in college, I would answer an ad on craigslist to be an Interim Court Reporter. Lugging a 20lb laptop to an Arizona courthouse and summarizing the most salacious news fit to publish. The only one I can remember is a neighborly feud where noise complaints escalated into poison cakes (this might be on someone’s True Crime podcast now). After a few weeks of seeing the darker side of the mundane, I was happy to hand the overheating brick back to the full-timer, who was paying me in cash while still receiving salary on vacation.

These ran their course as I tried them on for a season, writing under my “trying to be professional” pen name “John Miranda.” Even then, I wanted to create some distance between my online, published persona and who I really was. An alias for safety.

Startups Changing the World

Somewhere along the line, a dangerous idea got in my head: that I needed a serious job. “Writers don’t make money” is something I chose to believe, and with only two very commercially-focused writing gigs under my belt, earning small commissions, that was a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had yet to explore any sense of the creative writing I had done in elementary school, and shoved that somewhere deep inside. That was for later.

For now, it was time to join a Mission. Finding someone else with high conviction is a very easy way to step foot into this world, and be paid well for your skills bringing things to life in whatever way possible. I learned to write for computers (Programming), write for businesses (Product Management), and eventually write my own stories that inspire people as a Founder. It all felt like new ways to manifest for a purpose, and one that was greater than my individual story.

Over time, I saw the waxing and waning of this role. How it usually ended in jumping jobs every 2 years or so, either through promotion, dissatisfaction, or a Grass-is-Greener “time for a new, better mission” story I’d tell myself. I also had questions about who was profiting, the downsides of tech, and equity. After 15+ years of this venture-backed startup cycle and a very unexpected layoff, I was given the opportunity to reflect. What it showed me is that I had become very good at manifesting other people’s stories. Even the times when I thought I was “The Founder” leading the way, I was enacting someone else’s program and story unconsciously, and what looked like progression ended up feeling more like path of least resistance.

After interviewing for a hundred jobs and either sabotaging the process or not being selected (it’s hard to tell the difference when you’re going through the motions). I had to take a hard look at myself for choosing this life, and ask: is this something I’m going to continue? What will my kids say when they’re asked what their Dad does and why does this feel like swimming upstream?

My Story Begins to Unfold

In 2022, I had the opportunity to practice gratitude. I had an amazing family, friends, a roof over my head, and a chance to reset. It was a difficult choice to shift from scarcity to abundance, but my partner Zanni and I decided to see this as an opportunity rather than something that happened to us. We started the long process of preparing to move on and create space to reset, outside the autopilot of the life we were used to living. This involved selling our things, storing what we wanted to keep, and friends and family acting like we were dying. Hiring an estate sale company to organize and sell all of our belongings in a very public street-side garage sale maaaay have contributed to this. 😆

On a deeper level, a sense of death and rebirth was actually happening. We sold our family home and set off into the unknown. I aspirationally updated my LinkedIn title to “Writer” and decided to figure out what that meant.

This Substack

That was two years ago, and while a lot has happened and I’ve discovered so much about my path as a Writer, I’m still at the very beginning. Our family moved from the US to Portugal, Mexico, and now Italy. I released 5 songs in 2023, to my surprise, and am working on an Album for 2024. The songwriting process helped me unpack feelings of people pleasing, being laid off, over-identifying with productivity, and reconnecting with my inner child.

My goal this year is “PUBLISH MORE” so that’s what I’m going to do.

You can expect:

• some behind-the-scenes info about songwriting and starting out as an independent artist
• short-story fiction and poetry, inspired by my travels and day-to-day life
• reflections on what it means to find what you’re meant to do, and all the messy in-between

Right now, I’m starting this as a free substack. My main hope is to share ideas and connect with other people who are interested in this re-discovery of what they want to be when they grow up, whatever that may be.

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